Hot Yoga Topics > The Yoga of Honesty
Chicken Soup for Yogis - love that! I have to disagree with you here though: there are no mistakes. This life is a journey of sifting through those racks at the consignment store, discarding what you don't want, ever clarifying and them manifesting what you do want. And - on to more! I would assert that you ARE perfect - a perfect explorer - and your journey, your joy, your expansion as a result contributes to everyone around you and everything that is. This is not a mistake, to select, taste and clarify. Thomas Edison said, "I didnt make any mistakes; I just found 437 ways to not make a lightbulb." Bingo.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
My own life-changing yoga story has to be the day I discovered yoga. I was about 14 years old and I went to hear a Buddhist monk speak. He had no english; his wife translated. I dont remember what he said but I remember being mesmerized; his presence was the most peaceful thing I had ever encountered. I wanted what he had. I found yoga on a little TV station afterwards and just started practicing and, though I went for years without practice at various times in my life, I never lost the fascination and always came back. My yoga miracle is how yoga has been the thread - the yoga sutra - that has held my life together. And only in looking back from this vantage point can I see that.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
You're right. I gotta stop saying that because I'm never that hard on anyone else. And YES! I remember reading that blog post about when you fist discovered yoga last summer. I loved it! I think in my heart I always knew I was going to be a yogi. I think I always have been a yogi ;) I remember two years ago when I moved out of state. I would joke with all my friends that "nahhh I'm just going to get station wagon and be a vegan nomadic yoga instructor". And yeahhh I'm just going to leave that boy behind. I took my first hot class ever in Ohio. I felt surreal and peaceful despite everything that I felt weird about.
AlexandriaS
My exboyfriend was an engineer. He was very smart but also extremely controlling. When we would get into very very bad arguments I would always blame myself. My exact thoughts were "I don't get along with my Mother. I left home. How can I expect him to love me?" "I'm toxic" Those are all very terrible and untrue things but none the less I thought them. I would express that I would love to teach yoga that I feel very drawn to it... He would look up articles to dispute my love and rationalize what I felt so strongly about this. He would do this with so many things. My family. New Jersey. Writing. Thank Goodness it didn't work out. Coming out of that horrific relationship and other demons really I think what put me into the studio. After all, Therapy stopped helping me :)
AlexandriaS
You're amazing Alex. And yes, I too, have found that therapy does not help me. We really are our own therapists--we just choose to medicate in different ways--positive or negative.
Laura
Therapy is some bullshit, yes? I dont know anyone who changed their life by mucking around in their traumas. The more you stir up the crap of the past, the more present it is. I honestly think that studying history means you're doomed to repeat history - that goes for personal history too. Let it go and choose to live in the present - even in the midst of shit you can find things to appreciate RIGHT NOW and know that in doing so you are creating/attracting a better future.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
Laur, I love what you said about how we medicate with our positive and negative thoughts. It's so so true and yeah I think that's why therapy doesn't really work but it's interesting because I don't think I'd be the person I am today without therapy. My Mom and Dad were therapy for about 15 years of their marriage. She was even in therapy when she was pregnant with me. I guess it's no surprise that I was in therapy for most of my life and seriously over medicated. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals and after school programs but honestly, I think it was the best thing for me. I am so happy for it and that I could break away from it and be who I am today. But anyway, Yeah Human Beings love to figure out what and why and when and how all the Shit happens... I've been there. But really, It doesn't matter as much as I thought it did.
AlexandriaS
Going back to the point about honesty. I know that since I've started this practice, I've become markedly calmer, even to the point that people comment on it! And I take it as a compliment - we are lighthouses, not lifeboats. And if someone were to notice me, I hope they take some calmness for themselves.
And thanks, Alex, another great forum topic!
KristinaS
Lighthouses not lifeboats - great quote that our teacher, Carly, offers in Savasana. Being a yoga teacher has taught me about being an honest person in my own skin. As a yoga teacher, I remember that while students do depend on me, I am not a savior - I am here to be authentic. I don't have to be strong, sturdy, anything except what I am. If others see me as a beacon, I'm happy to shine - but for myself first. Some people will see a beacon, others wont - and that's appropriate; there are many students and thus, many kinds of teachers. Whenever I feel myself starting to "defend my position," I remember this quote: For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't, none will ever suffice.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
The yoga studio is different than any other classroom I've been in. As a language teacher, you do spend most of the time defending the norm, defending what's in the text book, and defending the way certain people act. To an extent much to great for me, language teachers are lifeboats, not lighthouses. Being introduced to the hot yoga teaching paradigm gives me perspective on the other teaching paradigms in my life.
KristinaS
Defending is difficult and, lets be honest, a waste of precious time. For those who understand no explanation is necessary; for those who dont, none will ever suffice.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
It definitely is a waste of time. I used to live off of defending myself as a coping mechanism to fit in with others, look smart, gain attention etc. I finally learned that it is useless and actually a sure way to offend others, who will no matter what, establish their own judgements of you regardless of defense or explanation.
Laura
Ah, if only we could teach this to our children from a young age.... So much more valuable than reading, writing and 'rithmatic.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
Good point, Laura, about defending yourself.
I've actually noticed that I get bored of defending myself! There are so many cases where I launch into an explanation and I just stop - if I am wrong, I will admit it and make amends, but if I'm right, I'll stop the defense knowing that I did what I did to the best of my ability based on the information I had.
Now, rather than defending my actions, I've started asking people if there was something that they had a question about...because 9 time out of 10, I feel that any defense I put together for my actions doesn't address the reason about WHY I need to explain them in the first place. If you're being asked to defend yourself, you should at least find out what exactly the other person wants to know - then you can judge for yourself if it's worth pursuing.
KristinaS
Great points about defending yourself, Kristina. At my Wizard Vision Quest, we practiced the ancient art of Aikido which teaches you to move WITH your opponent, not resist them. In practical terms, by asking "What do you have a question about?" you are asking to see things from the other person's viewpoint and that is a great first step to non-resistant reaction in real life.
I wish a light would go off anytime I am defending myself; it is never worthwhile as it is always about holding onto stuff that feels terrible.
The other day a student lamented my not extending her Monthly Unlimited Pass beyond the deadline; she got quite snippy about it. My visceral reaction was to remind her about all the many times she was given specials, support, and more. Instead, I began with, "I know you appreciate all the support I have given you..." and I immediately released the need to defend my position. It felt good - both to acknowledge and appreciate the other person, and to feel my own groundedness in my truth.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
I love this point about defending yourself. This is something that is instilled in everyone at a young age. When a child is asked,"Why didn't you do this?" they know that they did something wrong in the eyes of the accuser, so they scramble to defend themselves. This becomes a vibrational truth: when you are questioned, become defensive. Validate yourself.
Like what you said about the situation with the student, it is hard for people to accept that he/she might be the issue because he/she can only see one side of the situation. When both sides are calmly presented, with validation and defense removed from the equation, and appreciation is placed at the focus of the conversation both parties can realign. This goes back to Ask and it is Given when they bring up the point when you "focus on the absence of something you want you feel awful." When you look at what you have already been given, it helps to change the perspective to appreciation. When you appreciate you are in alignment.
So, now where do I get one of those light bulbs?
Brittany Yard
You have all the lightbulbs you will ever need inside you, Brittany!
Yes, I agree with you about kids...I get especially sad talking about how children have the light they were born with dimmed by us dimwitted adults. Kids know they dont need to validate themselves ....until adults start telling them they must. That's where it all goes awry. Kids are born with curiosity, enthusiasm, a sense of fun... and then they are told to "grow up" and "accept responsibility" and "face reality."
Ugh.
I love the audio I posted recently on the Teachers Page where Esther is on the airplane watching the mother of the frightened child hold him tight and kiss the back of his head til he calms down. As she watches this she realizes. " I just want to do that for everyone: hold them tight and tell them over and over again, everything is all right, everything is all right."
It's just what we do as hot yoga teachers....
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
I love that idea, Rhonda. That we're telling our students everything is all right. I can think of so many things that teachers have said to me in yoga classes that come to me and help me throughout the day. Here's one of my favorites. In savasana, Grace has said that you don't have to hold yourself up anymore, the ground can do that for you; it's stronger than us, so it can hold you. Something about that really helps me sink into savasana, but it also reassures me throughout the day if I ever feel like I'm sinking. It will just come back to me and remind me that I don't have to do it all, the ground's got me. Everything is all right, everything is all right...
Chrissy Graziano
Yes, Chrissy - the real power of yoga is off the mat and into your life.If you can hear the cues, and your teacher's prompts,and recall in your body the feeling you have in hot yoga class, your path outside the hot yoga room will become as enjoyable as when you are in hot yoga class!
Everything is alright
Everything is all right
It's all right
There is nothing wrong...nothing at all...because it's all working out just right for you
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
When I first came into the studio I felt like I was home and I wasn't sure why until I started teacher training. Everything we have covered has been what I always felt/believed, unrefined and untitled. I have told people close to me when something negative happens you can live for it or live with it. In other words live for, make it your story, be a victim, dwell on the why me or live with it, yeah it happened, it sucked, now move on. Not that I am perfect, I still get stuck in the why me occasionally but what I have learned is everything is happening Gor me not just for a reason so now instead of why me, I turn it around to what amazing thing is going to come from this sucky situation.
Erica
That’s such a beautiful way to live: nothing is happening to you , everything iis happening FOR you. And try this: instead of moving on after acknowledging the sucky thing. Look for all the many ways it worked out FOR you afterwards. The connections to your blessings is everywhere... once you look.
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
I have screwed up a lot in my life. This March was rough as I reflected more on these negative thoughts and fears that I had been living into. I honestly searched myself. I took inventory of my mistakes and admitted that I am not perfect but just like on the mat you can't hide yourself. I feel as if yoga has made me a honest more compassionate loving person who realizes that if I want to empower other people I have to be more kind to myself. And this goes into being true and honoring my word. Does anyone have any life changing yoga stories ? I feel like there should be a chicken soup for yogis?