The Perfect Person
When you look at yourself, who do you see?
"I used to get my hips way up in Rabbit; now I barely get my forehead to my knees."
"I went on vacation for two weeks and now I can't even fold over in Forward Bend."
"Ugh, I am so out of shape."
When my dear yoga students make these self-deprecating comments, drop these hints about their self loathing or voice their internal self-sabotauge, I feel sad.
I always want to ask, who are you comparing yourself to?
When you are thinking about the flexibility you wish for, the job you think you should have, the relationship you thought you'd be in by now, you are measuring yourself againt The Perfect Person.
But have you ever asked yourself, "Perfect...compared to what?'
Maybe there's a Gumby in your hot yoga class that you hold up as your standard (my advice: stand away from her).
But more often the Perfect Gumby is in your head; someone you want to be so badly that you don't notice she's just an illusion - and a dangerous one that constantly lowers your self esteem and makes you feel disappointed, impatient, irritated with yourself which translates into anger towards everyone else.
In other words, a lot less than perfect.
There's a reason why yoga is called a practice.
The practice of asana is a metaphor for the practice of life. Life, like yoga, is not about perfection and yet it is Perfection, all at the same time.
But you don't have to strive for it. In fact, if you are chasing perfection in hot yoga, you are chasing your own tail.
Here's how that looks:
Compared to the Perfect Person, people in my life are misbehaving
Why?
Because they don’t LOVE me, RESPECT me or care enough about me to behave perfectly towards me
Why?
Because there’s something lacking in me; I am too much of one thing and too little of another. If only I was perfect I would be loveable.
How do I know?
By comparing MYSELF to the Perfect Person.
The Perfect Person illusion gets us coming and going.
Catch up already.
Keep your eyes open the whole 90 minutes and take a look.
In yoga and in life, you may be racing to finish first in a race that has no finish line.
How often does your Perfect Person stop you from recognizing the perfection you are?
- How many fights with your mother are really between two non-existent Perfect Persons - the one she wants you to be and the one you want her to be?
- How much bickering with your partner is because you don’t fit his/herconcept of The Perfect Person and he/she doesn’t fit yours?
- How much self-deprecation is about what you think you should measure up to?
The Perfect Person in your head - the one you can never measure up to - may finally explain why you don’t like yourself, dont take care of yourself, or feel like you ever do enough.
Whenever you are up against The Perfect Person, it's game over.
It's not even logical.
If you regret not being The Perfect Person in a past situation, it must be that you think there is a way you can reach back into the past and change it. Otherwise regretting your past would be an illogical waste of time.
Duh.
If you are holding yourself up to some Perfect Person you aspire to in your future, you are in effect saying you know what the future holds and you are not up for any surprises or miracles.
Sounds dull...and not so perfect
You can be The Perfect Person right now. In fact, there's no way to be anything other.
Because being perfect is not an accomplishment - it is a decision. It is a state of being you choose. You sdecide that where you are right right now, in the present moment, is perfect for this moment.
And so much of the present moment is good. You have air. You have food. You have a life. You have yoga. Many of us have much more. And many have much less and still have a way to appreciate, which creates more.
So - you still want some tips for perfecting each hot yoga pose?
After 40 years of yoga, here is the best tip I can offer.
Practice.
Practicing hot yoga lets you notice that you already are perfect.
Does this mean you have no improvements to look forward to, nothing to aspire to, no surprises in the poses?
Just the opposite: hot yoga practice is filled with AHA moments, awarenesses and discoveries
All you have to do is show up.
What could be more perfect?
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
Reader Comments (4)
There is no perfect person - and we all somehow have this vision of who it is and hold ourselves up in comparison to this golden standard. But a standardized species is something that, when I think about it, I want nothing to do with! I love the variety of colors, shapes, sizes, opinions, beliefs, talents and focuses we all come in - and I wouldn't trade it for a standard of perfection!
That's one way to look at it Grace...the other way, is that we are ALL perfect people..uniquely so. How would the Universe allow it to be any other way?
The universe see's us all as perfect, just as we are. It works for us on an inidividual and unique basis and gives us what we need at the time, rather it makes us happy or sad. It is our response when the Universe delivers and that just may be our AHA moment.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I see the most beautiful person to love and I am so happy it is me. Yes, Tina, the Universe sees us all perfect because deep down we see and feel that way about ourselves. Practice is an amazing thing Rhonda especially when it comes to Hot Yoga. It is so giving. The more you give to Hot Yoga, the more it gives back to you. All you need to do is to show up and receive it. Isn't it amazing :) ?